A list of things I have given up trying to explain to people.

Navy rhymes with lazy. Sort of.

I don't own any black clothes. No really. I don't. Yes, that is actually possible. Let me tell you about this little color called gray. It is almost black, but, goes with brown and navy and all kinds of other fun-tastic hues. Why? Because getting dressed every day is hard work. I am lazy. So lazy that part of me wishes it were still as simple as putting on my old school uniform again and heading out the door. So I decided to stop buying black, and then discovered I no longer had to coordinate every damn thing I wore. Everything in my closet matched! Packing was suddenly easy! There was no need to bring both the black shoes and the brown shoes, WHEN YOU DON'T OWN BLACK SHOES. Incredible.

My dog's name. No really. His name is Bradley. I'm not joking. Why are you laughing? Okay, you're right. It's kind of funny. But if there was ever a dog destined to be a Bradley, it would be this one. Now somebody go fetch him a sweater and a pipe; it's time for his evening scotch.

Why adults should read children's books.  Especially adults without children. Serious, bill-paying, job-holding, vegetable-eating adults. You have probably heard all the usual arguments, which is fine, because I'm not really interested in them. My favorite quote from Madeleine L'Engle goes something like, "You have to write whichever book it is that wants to be written. And then, if it's going to be too difficult for grownups, you write it for children."  The greatest misconception of children's literature is that it is easier to write and read and understand than that which is written for adults. The truth is exactly the opposite. There are only two genres that I know of that strive to communicate the largest of themes using the fewest possible words with a limited vocabulary: children's books, and poetry. Every time I see the smug, Kerouac-toting, hipster barista who's taken a shine to arguing the validity of my chosen profession and the genre as a whole with me, all BEFORE I've had my morning coffee, I want to a.) throw him against the wall, and b.) make him read everything Kate DiCamillo has ever written. Particularly her newest: The Magician's Elephant.  And then this  post, which really says it best. And then I will request that he and his beloved, eccentric, clove-smoking authors make the ideas of why we are here and what we owe each other accessible to, say, a six or seven year old. I will wish them luck, of course. And only then will I be able to enjoy my morning coffee in peace. 

I feel safer in a car than a plane. I know it's completely irrational, but there you have it. My parent's let me watch Miracle Landing with them when I was nine, which was simultaneously riveting and terrifying. Now that I think about it, it may have been my first experience with television shock-drama. Since then, I have fought the urge to bawl uncontrollably during air-travel. Thank you, made-for-television movies!

Blush. Let me guess. You have melanin. How nice that must be for you. I hear it's very convenient to have naturally rosy cheeks, but unfortunately, there are some of us who were not blessed with the gift of pigment. I know the vampire look is very popular right now and all, but let me tell you, some people would rather not walk around looking sallow. Of course, I am not advocating cheek-bones a la Joan Collins. But if I were forced to choose only two items from my medicine cabinet with which to live for the rest of my life, one would be a brush (seriously, have you seen my hair?), and the second would be rouge. Honestly. I might be porcelain, but I am not dead, thank-you-very-much.

We do not have cable.  Stop looking at me like that.  I am perfectly sane. In fact, I would venture to guess that am a happier person now because I do not have cable television. And thanks to Hulu, I can still watch whatever shows happen to be awesome, FOR FREE. And what does our household do instead of watching television, you ask? Are you serious? Lordalmighty. 

So what about you? What have you given up trying to explain? Graphic novels? Chai? Gladiator sandals? No topic is too small to defend. 

All love,

*Andrea

Comments

[Erin]

Aha! I have learned so much!

Addendum to note on adults reading children's books: I recently participated in a Facebook survey on the 15 books that have been most influential in your life. I am nearly 30 years old, have been reading books almost that entire time, and have a BA, MA, and PhD in English Literature. The first book to pop into my head? Tuck Everlasting. Number two? Bridge to Terabithia. 3: Little Women. You have to go quite a way before you get to anything "serious" (and I'm very sorry, Mr. Kerouac, but you will NEVER make that list). The books we read when we are children are indelible in a way "Hamlet" will never be. I find it hard to believe that the qualities that make a good children's book have an expiration date of one's seventeenth birthday...

PS: I got rid of my cable this summer. It has been glorious. The only thing I miss? Football. But you know what I discovered? I am a single woman. Single men watch football in BARS. And they have BEER there! By the way: did you hear that Michael Jackson died???

[chelsea]

Ha! I love this post!!

[julia]

i love this list so much. things i have given up include:
why we only have one car (not to mention one that is very old and is prone to not starting on the exact days that we really really need it).
why we don't watch tv (cable? we haven't even gotten our converter box yet)
why i'm a vegetarian (really? people still thing you're weird for not eating meat)

one thing i don't think warrants an explanation...why you are awesome. xo

[Julie]

Long-time reader and admirer, first-time commenter, here. Your words are always inspirational, but this post is especially timely -- how hilarious and odd that simply living and being ourselves would require any explanation at all!

I have surrendered trying to explain the decision to use Peter Pan and Alice in Wonderland in my graduate dissertation; sadly (but unsurprisingly), children's lit doesn't strike many as adequately academic. Also: my tattoos, aversion to coffee, and penchants for solitude and the word "nubbin."

[mj]

Love this post! There aren't too many things I have to explain anymore, but I don't know if I've stopped being weird enough or I'm just hanging out with people who accept my weirdness.

[Tracy]

I am with you on so many of those. The airplane thing. The blush thing (I lack melanin as well). I totally agree with you about children's literature. I love your dog's name, it makes me giggle in the same way that Brian on Family Guy makes me giggle. Awesome.

I've given up trying to explain to my family and friends what graphic design is and why not everyone has the ability to do it. And that it's not just book covers or cd covers.

I've given up trying to explain my tattoos, and that no, I didn't design the gigantic one because tattoo artists have a skill that I don't have to form an image 3 dimensionally onto a limb. Just like I have skills that other people don't have.

And I think I've given up trying to explain why I take pictures everyday and still like to use film cameras.

[Katie]

Until recently I didn't have a drivers license. I was perfectly happy walking and taking public transportation around Portland. Friends from different states never seemed to understand that it just isn't necessary to have a license here.
I second the being a vegetarian. I get the "then what are you going to eat?" question any time I visit family.

[Lisa]

I hate explaining why I decided to opt out of my Ph.D. program with a Masters. Just simply saying that I am happier now doesn't seem to satisfy people . . . also, I don't drink coffee and hate driving. Hate it.

Ok, am shy too since it's my first time to comment here, so here it goes:- mine is all about the accent thing. every time i go out (to the playground with my kids etc] and open my mouth to say something, i somehow get noticed and drawn into a small talk with some mom( and that's good). But, it doesn't take long before i get "where is your accent from?". I usually smile and tell them originally where i came from, but it always makes me too tired to even explain to people that everyone has an accent, be it local or international. sometimes it makes me laugh!

[joAnn]

I don't have cable either and haven't for years. I think it should be incumbent upon the people who choose to spend their hard-earned cash on something that will only waste their time to explain THEMselves. Seriously.

[mary]

yes! I totally love this!!! I agree about the blush... in a pinch, it can be used on lips also... and I have now learned about the black versus gray. I will experiment... thanks for this!

[Nadia Lewis]

-- why I have never driven a car.
-- why I won't marry the love of my life.
-- why I dress this way (ie, not 21rst century).
-- why I won't have children.
-- why I don't think that fashion that makes you look pregnant is bad (this contradicts hard with the last one.)
-- why I don't have a TV (welcome to the internet, Boomers.)
-- non-American TV and movies.
-- my yarn obsession.

[paddy]

I feel compelled to comment because of the children's book thing- I totally and completely agree. For me, the book is Anne of Green Gables- a life changer.

And I have given up trying to explain why I:
-don't have, and never have had, a television
-I don't colour my hair
-I knit

[Megan.]

Ah! My favorite book of all time, hands down - A Tree Grows in Brooklyn by Betty Smith. I first read it in middle school and have read it dozens of times since - I love it.

And, I've stopped trying to explain why I...
-have so many pets (why DON'T you?)
-am so white and/or don't tan
-am not engaged nor married
-don't keep up with what's on t.v.
-always have a book open (are you reading that for a class?)
-why i eat meat (but aren't you involved in animal rescue?)

Honestly, what gets me is that people think they have the right to ask these questions, and of course, to receive an answer.

[Jaclyn]

I love this post!
I have to say though, black goes with everything, dare I say it, even navy and brown.
I am always asked to explain my dog's name as well. It's Hadley, that's her name & that's it. What's to explain?!
We don't have cable either, we also rely on Hulu for fantastic tv shows. We hook the laptop to the tv and still get to view on a regular sized screen. It's free & awesome.
My #1 right now is explaining what I do. I sew, I make things. What do I do all day? Are you kidding? Probably more than you do all day.
Thanks for the great post!!

[christina]

lady you crack me up. just reading this makes me want to hang out with you more often.

I hope you are doing well and have been able to relax a little.

[Maria]

Hi! New commenter, long time reader.
I've given up to explain why I love to read while I am eating on my own. This comes from very long ago: i would not stop reading when I was little for ANYHING. Not even sleep, not even eat. So now, lunch break? I take my book.

Hope you are fine, Andrea, I know you will. Love from Spain.

[the BLAH BLAH BLAHger]

I just popped over from my cousin Carlee's site and I am howling with laughter.

My freaking parents let me watch that horror movie, too, and I've never been the same. I seriously listen for suspicious sounds and point out weird things to flight attendants all the time.

I had no idea anyone else remembered that terrible movie!!! Too funny!

[Acaislim]

I totally love this!!! I agree about the blush... in a pinch, it can be used on lips also... and I have now learned about the black versus Gray. I will experiment... thanks for this!

[Robin]

love this post. btw, my dogs are Jack and Walter. Bradley seems like a solid choice.

[.kat.]

LOL! Fantastic post! I agree with you whole-heartedly on the topic of children's books and I am ecstatic at the fact you mentioned my new fave, The Magician's Elephant.

I'm tired of explaining to people that my middle name has no meaning (it's Macadangdang) and that NO, not everyone in Hawaii knows how to surf, do the hula, or speak the language fluently. Oh yeah, don't even ask about grass shacks.

[Mmm]

Yes, I can relate to most of these in fact. Nicely written. I quite agree with reading children;s books--some of my faves actually, and, you know I don;t have cable either.

I just came across your blog from this issue of "Artful Blogging." What a lovely article. I even underlined the one bit where you said what interests you about the art of blogging is how you realized "meaning was buried beneath the chaos of everyday life and ordinary things."--that is SOOO very true. That is blogging in nutshell--something non-bloggers often just don't get. Thank you for putting such good perspective on all this and writing on blogging in the first place. your article was most enjoyable as were the photos and is one I will be sure to return to often, as well as to your blog.

[heather]

Too funny...and very nice to meet! Im a girl with a dog named Henry and no cable as well ;)

i saw your article in artful blogging, it was wonderful!~

[anoushka sofia emmanuella]

being vegeterian
owning two bunny-pets who live freely in the flat (they are clean dudes!)
wanting to be an English teacher (yes that's true, people still ask me why...)

great blog, sunny and so realistic, congrats!

[Erin @ SYL: Slipcover Your Life]

Hahaha I love your dog's name! Bradley sounds perfect...