But we are both still wary of mustaches.

At heart, she is an even smaller dog, trapped inside a small dog's body.

  
I've written at some length about Bradley (the first small dog) and our ongoing plight to help him overcome a multitude of fears stemming from a terrible past, but it occurred to me the other day, as June lost her shit over an inanimate object yet again, that I've never talked about small dog number 2 and her somewhat bizarre phobias. At first we thought it was just big dogs. Okay, I thought. Easy-peasy. Nothing that a little basic classical conditioning couldn't fix. (Thanks, Pavlov!) Eventually, we started realizing that men also set her into 'bark and hide' mode (cower is a good word for it), in particular, bearded men. So we made her read the Portland street style blog and let her know that she was SO in the wrong city for that kind of fear, but to no avail. And then one day, she cowered at a man carrying a chair. And then one with an umbrella. And then one morning Aaron had to dress up in a black suit and tie to go to a business meeting and wore his glasses at the request of his wife (who thinks he looks extra special cute in them)... girl took one look at him, and GREAT HOLY MOTHER OF GOD WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY BEDROOM, PLEASE DON'T KILL ME, AAHH!!! Or something to that effect. Because I don't speak dog.  It took us twenty minutes to coax her out from under the bed so she could smell him and get a few belly rubs, at which point, she went back to being her usual silly, happy self. 

It became pretty clear that her problem wasn't with men in general, or even beards in general, but accessories. ACCESSORIES people. Do you have any idea how many accessories one encounters on a daily basis? It is incomprehensible. So far we have worked through (and she is fine with) beards, hats, umbrellas, bikes, skateboards, wheelchairs, bags, and thanks to one incredibly sweet man who put his walking stick down on the ground so she could smell it and gave her a treat (after which she proceeded to wag her whole body and lick his face until he probably regretted the action), canes. It's very easy to get frustrated though, and I have to remind myself  that she really has no idea what the hell any of this stuff is. If you spent your entire life locked in a cage, cut off from the outside world and others of your own kind, churning out puppies by the dozens, you'd think that skateboard was a harbinger of death too. So we press onward. And after 8 months, I think we're finally reaching the end of the 'list of unknown accoutrements.'  God forbid anyone should walk in front of us carrying a grand piano or something. But since we don't live in a Bugs Bunny cartoon, I'm going to call this a win.

Comments

[Michelle McGee]

This is so funny. We had a cat, Aussie, who hated hats. My husband put on a knit hat once and she quickly morphed into psycho kitty. She backed away from him, walking sideways of course so she could have full on view of horrible Hat Man, her back arched into a very nice camel hump and she was growling in a cat way at him. It was so funny. Of course, because it was so freaking funny, we had to reenact it several times over the years. Aussie never once disappointed us.

[Eunice]

Oh June. Glad she's getting socialized and that she has you two (and a half? does Bradley count as the other half?) to help.

A friend once had a poodle she acquired after the poodle's original owner passed away. The owner had always been in a wheelchair, so any *standing* men who walked about totally freaked the poodle out. It would've been totally hilarious if it wasn't so sad (he was absolutely terrified).

[dianna]

My adopted June has a fear of people carrying things, also. Not as dramatic a reaction as your June, but still. I've often wondered if she was beaten by a person with a stick/umbrella/canoe paddle/rake/broom whatever when she was a pup. She's slowly getting over it, with much reassurance from us. Good work with your dogs -- I still think you guys are angels from heaven for rescuing them. I bet they do, too.

[mjb]

It's so good that the training is working for her. If you do see that grand piano - carrier you'd better have some big treats on hand to combat that fear!

[Vanessa]

oh my gosh. I shouldn't be laughing, but this is all at once so very sad and hysterical at once. Poor little thing.
I adopted a boarder collie once who didn't like men, esp. those who wore ball caps. it is a sad sad thing to think what those sweet animals have gone thru.

rescue dogs are so sweet and quirky. keep at it.

[nicolle]

you two are so sweet for working with these pups. it warms my heart hear what a wonderful loving home they have now. i really love reading your blog. :)

[Isabelle]

Man, I really love your writing. I am at work and I wanted to laugh out loud at the grand piano and Bugs Bunny line. Too hilarious. I'm glad to hear June is doing better, and thanks for telling us this wonderful story.

[lisa s]

what a good mom/dad you two are.
lucky you to have such a sensitive doggie :)

hope you both eventually are ok w/ mustaches too

[Deb]

ah HA! I think I've found you. Or you have found me? I love it love it love it. Can't wait...

[linda]

poor baby- hope she gets over it soon.

[Linda]

I have a Standard Poodle, Isabella, that has so many phobias and odd fears. And we can't even blame it on a traumatic past- the poor dear was just born neurotic. But then I'm told I'm eccentric so maybe we're a perfect match.

[gracia]

Thank heavens you live not in a Bugs Bunny cartoon. The props carried about in such worlds would surely prove too much even for me.

[Timaree]

I have a dog who was raised in a cage. I took the snarling thing out of the cage and tucked him next to my chest under my sweater where I kept him during a visit to friends (we'd stopped to get him on the way and didn't even know we were going to get him - it just happened). He was my "pup" from then on thinking of me as his mom. He gets used to people slowly and sometimes his phobias (especially hats) kick in. He never was socialized and my husband and I live rurally so he only sees other people on occasion. He loved my own two grown children immediately. I swear he could smell the dna we share. He's learned to handle the grandchildren really well too.

Two of our other dogs were abused. We got one with a huge knot on her head (think cartoons - it was almost that bad) and the other from a shelter after being turned in twice. She loves my husband but it took two hours of her solid barking at him before she would sniff and then be held by him. It worked though. She loves to sit with him all morning while we do puzzles and only gets mildly upset when afternoon comes and he has his beer. Actually, she's really good about that now. She's learned he won't hurt her. She is still afraid to drink her water if anyone is around. I don't know what happened to her there but something did. She's one of our happiest fur babies now though. We have four terrific prior abused/neglected dogs who are all happy now.

[buy valtrex]

We got one with a huge knot on her head (think cartoons - it was almost that bad) and the other from a shelter after being turned in twice. She loves my husband but it took two hours of her solid barking at him before she would sniff and then be held by him.